Hi, I’m Brianne. I have a gluten intolerance. I wish I was dating someone who would come up with a clever name for my problem à la “lactard,” which remains the funniest nickname I’ve received to date. (Aside from bran muffin, which is just adorable. But contains gluten.)
So, as of two weeks ago, I’m 99% gluten and lactose free. I want to die a little every time I have to think of a way to feed myself, but without gluten, my stomach feels a million years better. I hate those people who go gluten-free because it’s a cool thing to do – but I’m telling you, doctor’s orders made me decide to start cutting this shit out. The difference is staggering. I’m no longer dreading to go out with friends, grocery shopping, running, to yoga, or to work (ok, well, let’s not get carried away…). I used to sit in my office miserable and completely anxious after every meal. Going to meetings was felt out of the question. Taking the elevator. Seeing people. My crazy-fucked-up stomach problems have isolated me much more than my inherent bluntness and outward cruelty. Thank you, whoever suggested I had a gluten problem. Thank you, gastroenterologist for relentlessly helping me. Oh, and let’s not forget you, people of Mexico, for making corn tortillas and giving me a rejuvenated spirit.
I was pretty thrilled when I realized corn tortillas are usually gluten-free –I was running around Target like a kid in a gluten-free candy store. Rushed over to the salsa section to complete this idea. Bought a ton of sliced swiss. Gluten free products are ridiculously overpriced, so friends who are g-free can relate to this feeling of excitement for finding something affordable to eat.
So I pretty much insist that quesadillas be served with salsa, because what else are tortillas used for, other than a vehicle for consuming awesome salsa? Then, I decided to try heating up some frozen kale and some corn I have. When that was hot, I thought to myself, “Self, garlic might be real good in this.” So, I threw in some seriously minced garlic.
It was like the heavens collided inside of my mouth when I finally took a bite. I don’t know WHY I didn’t think of this sooner. It was a gluten, almost lactose-free miracle.
I am overjoyed.
(Also, you know what else is pretty cool: most places now mark things as gluten-free. Thank you world for helping me.)